Family?? What is an ideal family or the concept of ”home sweet home” in people’s mind? When I was little I used to ratta’fy the quotations for the essay writing one of which was ”HOME IS WHERE THE HEART” Home is a place where one can relax and you want your family to be with you and help you solve your problems ”without judging you” that’s important… Why is it that children (particularly teenagers) share everything with there friends instead of sharing it with their parents!?? Maybe because your friends DON’T JUDGE YOU. Or maybe due to the generation gap, well, better saying it the ”communication gap” between the parents and children (Ps, if you don’t want the ”generation gap” between you and your children then the solution is to get married at an early age (That would be easy if there is lesser communication gap between you and YOUR parents cause then u’ll have to convince them in order to get married at an early age ) So, The foundation of a family is laid down on trust.. Trust is a veryyyyyy important element in a family culture.. Make an Emotional Bank Accounts in the hearts of your family members and see the tremendous difference it would make in your life. But hey!! What is an emotional bank account???? Let’s see what Stephen R. Covey say in his book ”7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”
EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT – THE DEFINITION:
The Emotional Bank Account actually represents the quality of the relationship you’ve with others. It’s like a financial bank account in that you can make make ”deposits” by proactively doing things that build trust in the relationship or you can make ”withdrawals” by reactively doing things that decrease the level of trust. At any given time:
”the balance of trust in the account determines how well you can communicate and solve problems with another person’‘
ADVANTAGES OF HAVING HIGH BALANCE IN YOUR EBA (Emotional Bank Account):
If you have a high balance in your Emotional Bank Account with a family member then,
- There’s a high level of trust.
- Communication is Open and Free.
- You can make mistakes in the relationship, and the ”emotional reserves” will compensate for it.
DISADVANTAGES OF NOT HAVING HIGH BALANCE IN YOUR EBA:.
If the account balance is low or even overdrawn then,
- There’s NO trust.
- No authentic communication.
- It’s like walking on minefield. You’re always on your guard.
- You have to measure every word, And even your better intentions are misunderstood.
BEING AN AGENT OF CHANGE:
Remember the story of my friend who ”Found his son again.” (The story was about a teenager who was just as irritated from his family just like most teenagers are. There was no trust in the father-son relationship and an almost empty emotional bank account. The hard the father tried to talk to his son the more the things get complicated and the father felt he would lose his son forever but due to the hard struggle of the father in order to recreate that feeling of love, trust and a sense of security he was finally able to create a strong and unbreakable bond with his son due to the continuous deposit in the emotional bank account) You could say that the relationship between the father and the son was $100 $200 or even $10,000 overdrawn. There was no trust, no real communication, no ability, to work together to solve problems.And the harder this father pushed , the worse it got. But then my friend did something proactive that made a tremendous difference. Taking an inside-out approach, he become an agent of change. He stopped reacting to his son. He made an enormous deposit in this boy’s EBA (Emotional Bank Account). He listened, really, deeply listened. And the boy suddenly felt validated, affirmative, recognized as an important human being.
PROBLEM IN OUR OWN FAMILY CULTURE!
One of the biggest problems in many family cultures is the Reactive Tendency to continually make withdrawals instead of deposits. (You know, ”hr baat pe tapp (ghussa) charh jana” sorta thing, which is, to be honest really common in our Pakistani society).
Love is a verb. One of the greatest benefits of being productive is that you can chose to make deposits instead of withdrawals (you see it’s just a matter of choice.. You have to face the consequences of each and every choice that you make so why not begin with the end in mind. huh?).