For the first time in life I was truly falling. Falling into a deep abyss of an obscure darkness. For the first time in life, I just let it all out without the thinking of the consequences. For the first time I let myself break. I thought it will ease some of my pain, but it didn’t. I wanted to scream, to feel the physical pain so agonizing that I would faint and my mind would be free of the thoughts buzzing and killing me. I pinched myself hard enough to draw blood. I needed something to keep me grounded. Something. Anything. For the first time in life I snapped. For the first time I’d truly lost control.